Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
