Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
