dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
