i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
