you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
