It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
