I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
