We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
