dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
