I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
