He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
