Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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