An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
