You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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