it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
