morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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