I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
