they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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