After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
