I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
