I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
