If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
