So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
