I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
