how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
