Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
