She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
