"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
