I just made out with a guy for $7.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
