We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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