His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
