He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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