Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
