My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
