Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
