Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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