someone get that fucking seahorse.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
