I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
