Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
