I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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