Got a toothbrush?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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