It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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