also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
