i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
