thus making me awesome and them whores
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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