It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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