I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
