Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
