Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
