Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
