I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
