Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
