Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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