I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
